


What Have I Become

by Writing_squiggle



Series: We're So Close [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Female Reader, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader-Insert, Slow burn with Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-09-24 12:16:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9726575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_squiggle/pseuds/Writing_squiggle
Summary: My sweetest friend?~------------------------~Sequel to Softly SmileAfter finally realizing your feelings for the Shambali monk, the two of you start a relationship. With an assassin on the loose and your clear mental illness, you go on a man hunt to find an omnic with a vengeance. The closer you get to the assassin the further you walk from a path of healing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, the sequel. Also I'm going to say that your relationship doesn't immediately cure you. You have to do that by yourself.

You smiled at Zenyatta, your hand entangled with his, as the pair walked through the streets. You swung your arms in gentle happiness, a giggle burning inside of you. He hummed and the world seemed ethereal. Your forehead prickled with pain as a memory threatened to burst through, but you shook it aside. The two of you walked around in the hot San Francisco sun and you tried to enjoy the presence of your boyfriend but that thought kept pressing itself forward. It wasn’t until you looked at your dominant arm that you realized the problem.

That’s not supposed to be there.

The need to vomit pressed itself into the back of your throat as flashes of the explosion flittered through your arm. Zenyatta concernedly rubbed your shoulder and your eyes dropped to the sidewalk. The bomb flashed zero and the two of you were consumed in flame. You screamed in agony and despair as both your arm and Zenyatta burned away in the inferno.

Blood squirted out of your arm and you pressed your other hand into the stub. Red coated your fingers and your body rocked with sobs. Your blankets strangled your limbs and Zenyatta’s hand gently rubbed your shoulder. You cried harder, fat tears streamed down your face.

“You’re not there,” Zenyatta cooed, “You’re here with me.”

You pulled him close and he started rubbing your back. Pain throbbed from your amputated arm and you rocked with each burst.

“I thought you were…” you sobbed, “You nearly…”

“I’m fine,” he rests your hand on his chest and you feel the thumb of electricity hum underneath your chest, “Feel me right here with you.”

Zenyatta rested his head into your shoulder and gently patted your back. His voice began to softly hum, the melody began to grow louder as you started to relax at the leaps and bounds. Caressing your face you began to slip back into sleep. At the gentle croon of Zenyatta’s voice let you fall into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Your legs crossed underneath you, head tilting slightly as you meditated. Zenyatta’s orbs chimed beside you and you just tiredly kept your mind clear of thoughts. Your eyes flickered to your watch and you started getting up, noticing the time. Zenyatta raised his head inquisitively and you smiled back at him.

“I told Hanzo I would go to that new bakery in town,” you explained, suddenly exhausted.

You remembered agreeing as you weren’t able to go anywhere with your arm still out of commission but now that it was upon you, you wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. Pressing a kiss to his cheek before gently moving to the door, Zenyatta went back into meditation after you waved goodbye at him.

Slipping on your shoes you started making your way to the town. Seeing Hanzo leaning against one of the walls of the store you made your way to him. He gives a wave and a smile when you come into his sight. You pick up your pace and stop in front of him.

“Sorry, I’m a bit late,” you rubbed the back of your head, “Did you wait long?”

“No,” Hanzo gestured for you to follow him and you settle next to him.

The two of you wandered around the flea market, your stomachs full of bakery goods. While you looked at the cheap knick-knacks and overpriced merchandise Hanzo looked at the bags under your eyes in concern. You stopped at one of the tables, looking over ceramic miniature paintings and engraved seashells, picking up one of the cameos you gently rubbed your fingers over the white engraved portrait.

“Zenyatta would love this,” his heart ached at the soft smile on your face.

“Why don’t you get it for him?” he suggested, “you’ve got a sort of income now.”

“I should,” you turned to the merchant and started haggling.

After agreeing on a price he wrapped the seashell in newspaper before handing it to you, you seeing your face on the newspaper for a second. Tucking it into your bag you sighed.

“They’re still on that?”

“Are you surprised?” Hanzo asked dryly, “You stopped the assassination of one of the most influential men in the world.”

“You were also there,” you complained.

“I didn’t swing from a building and launch myself at the assassin.”

You squinted your tired eyes at him and he took the moment to ask something that was bothering him.

“Are you sleeping alright?”

“Why would you ask?” you gave a fake smile that didn’t convince Hanzo at all.

“You’ve got bags under your eyes and they’re getting larger.”

“I’m just fine,” you cheerfully said, annoyance starting to grow.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m fine!” you snapped, face softening as you realized your tone.

“I’m sorry for snapping but I’m doing fine,” you breathed out, “Thank you for your concern.”

* * *

Entering Zenyatta’s room, knocking first, you looked around. It was decorated with various knick-knacks from around the world, photos of Zenyatta with various people ordained the walls. Despite knowing that it was the exact size it felt larger than your own room, as it lacked a bed. On a small table in the corner was a photo of Mondatta, a smoking incense in a burner in front of it.

“Are you done looking around?” Zenyatta was amused and you rubbed the back of your head sheepishly.

“Sorry, I haven’t been in here,” you smiled at your boyfriend and he gave a pleased hum.

“Anyway, I got this for you,” you pulled out the newspaper laden cameo and handed it to him.

“You didn’t have to,” he gently opened the package, revealing the carved shell.

Gently dragging his finger on the woman engraved into the surface your heart grew warm at the tender emotion emanating from him.

“Thank you,” his voice sounded small as he reverently placed it in the middle of the dresser, “I’ll treasure it forever.”

You sat down on your knees and memories floated through you.

“My mother actually got me one of those once,” you looked past him, something sad crossed across your face.

“I sold it when I left everything.”

He stretched out his hand, a small piece of paper in the palm. You gently picked it up and read a number on it.

“It’s your mothers,” his hands folded together, “I asked Winston to get it for you.”

Tears began to form as the numbers swirled together, “do you mind staying while I call?”

He shook his head and you punched in the number. Tension slowly began to build in your body as it dialed. You gave a small start when Zenyatta rested his hand your thigh. Stroking his thumb reassuringly you gave a small huff of breath.

“ _Hello?_ ” your mom’s voice rang through your body as tears began to pour down your face.

“M…mom?” you cried, a mix of emotions flowed through you.

She gently said your name and it made your shoulders shake with your sobs.

“I missed you,” Zenyatta gently began to rub your knee.

Your mother and you began to talk, you telling her about the stuff that you could and your mother just catching you up on everything you missed. Tears still streaming down your face you said goodbye, a smile on your face. Hanging up you crawled into Zenyatta’s arms, crying face pressed into his shoulder.

“Thank you.” You softly cried, “I love you.”

He began stroking your back, rocking you gently back and forth before responding.

“I love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, got really busy with my blog. Here we go again, plot will start in the next chapter.

Zenyatta gently ran his fingers down your arm, resting them in your hand and wrapped his hand around yours. As he squeezed you heard Genji “ah” and coo in the back ground at the sight of you two being affectionate. When Zenyatta nuzzled into your cheek and you pressed a kiss in return. Genji just loudly squeaked in joy. He leaned back and fell down backwards.

“It’s… too cute,” he grasped his chest, gasping for breath.

You gave Genji and exasperated look before Zenyatta tenderly pulled you back to him. You ran your eyes down his face, memorizing his features while you can. He was leaving for a mission for at least a week and the two of you were trying to make up for the loss.

Cupping your hand tenderly in his, he murmurs, “Take care of yourself.”

Your eyes flickered down and you smiled, he gently pulled his face up to look at him and you softly responded, “I will.”

“I’ll call whenever I can,” he ran his fingers over the palm of your hand.

“Master,” Genji gently pried, looking at the time, “We must go now.”

“Take care,” you said as he left, hand raising in a wave.

“I will,” he gave his own wave and left.

* * *

 

“How’s Genji taking this?” you asked to the holographic image of your boyfriend.

“ _He’s frustrated_ ,” Zenyatta responded, “ _I understand it, this is taking a lot longer than I thought_.”

_“Though it shouldn’t be much longer now_ ,” Zenyatta said for the fifth time that week, “ _How are you doing, how’s your sleep going_?”

“I didn’t realize how much I would miss the sound of your orbs chiming in meditation,” you rubbed the back of your neck, “But I’ve been managing.”

“Just a bit lonely,” you said, “I really didn’t have any other friends beside you, Genji and Hanzo.”

“ _He’s in Japan at the moment right?_ ” Zenyatta asked and you nodded, “ _Soldier 76 seems fond of you, you could probably go talk to him._ ”

“Seems a bit odd to bother someone just because I’m bored,” you shuffled slightly, “I’ll manage, I’ve been alone for longer than a week before.”

Zenyatta looked the side, Genji’s voice ringing out, _“I have to go, Genji says we have movement._ ”

“Be careful,” you worriedly said, “Don’t do anything I would do.”

The screen flickered off and you stood there for a moment, that ache in your body returning as you realized that Zenyatta was still gone. You leaned on your one hand, belly starting to grumble as you realized it was dinner time. Leaning back you thought about what to eat, about to scream if you had enough meal of just finger food. Zenyatta usually helped you eat, affectionately feeding you, however with him gone you had to improvise.

But today, you wanted a proper meal.

You picked up a fork with your one hand, awkwardly stabbing it into a carrot. You placed it into your mouth. See, you thought, this isn’t so hard.  
You were confident until you got the entrée, giving a grunt as you tried to cut it with the side of your fork. You desperately sawed with the edge until it slid and clattered against the plate. You flinched at the loud noise and anger began to brew inside of you. With a deep breath you try again, your stub moving as you tried to hold it down with the arm you didn’t have. When you pressed too hard and the fork flew out of you hand you were enraged.

With a snarl you threw the plate at the wall, it shattering and sending food everywhere. Your hand wrapped into your hair and you started sobbing. Pain flashing through your stub you instinctively stumbled forward. Barely thinking you opened your closet, throwing the few clothes in there onto the floor. You curled up into the fabric and cried, body throbbing with pain. You found a fitful sleep on the floor, until someone shook you awake.

Your one hand instinctively reached out to attack, your body on edge. Stopping when you heard that familiar robotic voice.

“Zenyatta?” you tiredly called out.

“I am here,” Zenyatta’s voice sounded so pained.

Opening your eyes you could see the heart-break radiating off of him and shame filled you. He asked one thing of you, take care of yourself, and you failed.

“I… I’m sorry,” your face was downcast, itching from your dried tears.

He hushed you and you lept into his arms, pulling him close. Tired of hurting him it prompted you to say what you did.

“I’m going to go to Mercy,” you said and he started rubbing your back, “I wanna get better for you, I can’t unless I try.”

“Do not worry for me,” he hummed, “Get better for yourself.”

He rubbed his face into your cheek and you pressed a hesitant kiss to his face plate. He gently positioned you on the bed before picking up the clothes you slept on.

“I’m going to need to re-iron these,” he murmured and you blanched.

“I thought the woman was supposed to the one doing the housework,” you said.

“I just enjoy taking care of you,” he said, folding them and putting it on the dresser, “Shouldn’t that be what matters.”

“I guess,” you said, rubbing the back of your neck, “I was mostly teasing.”

He closed the closet door and you noticed that the shards of porcelain were picked up and the food was taken care of. You awkwardly picked at your hand and Zenyatta quickly noticed. He floated over to you, rubbing your hand. You climbed back into his lap, head resting on his shoulder.

“I missed you,” you softly said.

“I missed you as well,” he rubbed your back and you squirmed deeper into his grip.

Your eyes started to flutter shut, body relaxing at his peaceful aura. He gently cradled you closer and you fell asleep in his arms. He gently stroked your back, happy to just hold you like this again after being separated for a week.


	3. Chapter 3

You knocked on the door to the med-bay before walking in, Mercy looking up from her desk. She put down her pen and smiled at you.

“What great timing,” she said, pulling out a case, “I was about to tell you that your arms done.”

“Oh,” you said, hand pressed to your face, “I forgot it would be ready soon.”

“Come over here and I’ll attach it and do some diagnostics,” she said ad you sat on the bed.

With a hiss it snapped into the base, you moving your fingers like how she said.

“I also wanted to talk to you about something,” you said and she looked up from the screen at you.

“I’ve been having,” you stopped thinking how to describe it, “Nightmares about losing my arm and if I’m not waking up because of that I’m waking up early anyway.”

She sighed and walked to the medicine cabinet, unlocking it with her key. She pulled out a few bottles and quickly relocked it.

“You should have come to me sooner,” she scolded, walking back towards you.

She handed two of the bottles to you, quickly explaining that they were supposed to do and how to take.

She froze as she looked at the sleeping pills, you could see the question forming. Her mouth twitched slightly and she just took a deep breath.

“Have you been feeling any suicidal urges or thoughts,” her hand clenched on the bottle and you choked back a laugh.

Your eyes were sad but you just shook your head, “I don’t think Zenyatta would let me kill myself.”

She laughed at that, handing you the bottle which you tucked into your pocket. She sat back at her desk and you turned to leave, she called out before you went.

“Omega-3 and Vitamin D supplements aren’t a bad idea either,” she was pouring over her reports again, pen in hand.

“Okay,” you said, giving her a thumbs up.

You made a stop at your room, dropping the pills off, before running to go meditate with Zenyatta and Genji

* * *

 

You stared blankly at your hands as you measured out the pills. Something grabbed your chest at the sight of the multitudinous pills in your hands, Zenyatta tilting his head in confusion. You sighed as you swallowed them, taking a swig of water with the three parts you broke it up into. Your face darkened as you lowered the water, Zenyatta resting a hand on your arm.

“What is wrong?” he hummed and you wearily smiled at him.

“It just…” you sighed, leaning back, “It feels like I’m dying. It doesn’t make sense but I’ve never had to take this many pills regularly.”

“That makes sense,” he said, rubbing your back and you leaned into it.

“I’m going to ask Mercy if the vitamins are super necessary,” you finally said, “I don’t think I can do this many pills.”

“Even if you just take a break,” Zenyatta reasoned and you nodded, “You can always go back on them later.”

You looked at the clock and gave a start, chugging the rest of the water and moving the dishes to the sink. Zenyatta hovered there as you grabbed your coat, throwing it on.

“We’re gonna be late for that meeting if we don’t go now,” you said, slipping your hand through his.

The pair of you walked to the meeting room, you waving to Genji who waved back. The room hushed as the table hologram lit to life, Athena’s smooth voice ringing out.

“After attempting assassination on Chancler Kogler we’ve been attempting to track the omnic. Having no luck until recently when he was seen in the Italian city Bari,” a picture of the one armed omnic talking to a suited man popped up as a circle wrapped around the city, “He talks to one of the employees of Spano Vellucci.”

“Who’s Spano Vellucci,” Winston asked and before Athena could say you chimed it.

“He’s the crime boss of the city who runs a smuggling ring, everything there is run with his approval,” you said.

“That is correct,” Athena said, “We suspect that his reach runs far into the government of the city and certainly the police force as they will often turn a blind eye to his smuggling.”

“It seems he was trying to get something smuggled,” Hanzo said, hand resting on his bow.

“Or someone,” you said.

“Chances are someone there knows where he went,” Soldier 76 said, “It would be worth scoping out this smuggling ring.”

“You go in there with a squad and you’ll start a city-wide war,” you said, Zenyatta looking at the confidence radiating from you, “You’d be fighting an army of smugglers, who are mostly omnics and the citizens who’s livelihood comes from smuggling in some way. Even if you did win you’d throw any wannabe thug with a gun out on the street, we’d end up with another Hanamura.”

Everyone looked at you and you took a breath, “What you need is someone to quietly go in and ask about him. Thankfully for you, Spano Vellucci owes me a favour.”

“I’d heard rumours,” Soldier 76 said and you nodded.

“I saved his daughter, either way, I can get the info for you.”

“That’s figured out then,” Winston pushed his glasses up, “You’ll give a more detailed report later today and will be shipped out by tonight. You’ll be assigned to this until you find him.”

You stepped back slightly with surprise at how prompt that was, the group moving onto the situation in King’s Row. Zenyatta looked at you with concern and the meeting soon ended. As the room emptied Zenyatta hovered next to you waiting until the last person filed out.

“You feel responsible,” Zenyatta said, it was a statement and not a question.

“If I did better during the mission then he would already be locked up,” you said, refusing to look at him knowing you would crack, “If he succeeds a lot of people will die in the aftermath, especially omnics.”

“I agree,” you whipped your head at him in surprise, certain he was going to try to talk you out of it, “I wish you the best.”

“I thought you would…”

“Tell you to stay, that you shouldn’t do this,” he lilted and you shuffled awkwardly, “You are an adult and you are right, a lot of people will die.”

You sighed, relief settling over you. This was going to be way easier with Zenyatta’s support. You kissed his chest, listening to him hum in happiness.

“Call me whenever you can,” his voice seemed pained and you nuzzled into his cheek.

“Of course,” you smiled, “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that plot developing, look at it.


	4. Chapter 4

You gave a small sigh as you went through your bag, making sure you had enough supplies for a while. Money stashed into the seams, more than enough for a year especially with your spending habits.

“Hey, there kid,” Soldier 76 said and you turned around to see him standing in the doorway.

He took a step in and the door closed behind him, “You’re going on your first mission, you okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, closing the bad, “I think so anyway.”

He lifted his hands and took off his mask with a hiss, a familiar face staring at you. You felt shock shudder through you as the supposedly dead Jack Morrison staring back at you, pride on his face.

“People like you were the reason Overwatch was founded,” he said and your mouth dropped slightly, “Knock ‘em dead, kid.”

“Thank you,” you said, softly awestruck by his confidence in you as he put his mask back on.

“I shouldn’t keep you,” he turned around, leaving the room, “You gotta go say goodbye to someone first.”

“You’re right,” you said, giving a short mock salute, “I ain’t calling you sir, though.”

“I didn’t expect you to,” he said as you left, jogging towards your room.

You opened the door and looked around, not seeing Zenyatta anywhere. He must still be meditating, you thought as you started to pack the few clothes you owned. You heard the door open behind you and you whipped your head around, looking for your boyfriend.

“Do you have everything?” he asked and you nodded, running over the list mentally.

“I have a gift for you,” he said, holding out a locket on a chain.

You took it in hand and you flipped open the front to see a picture of the two of you, something that Genji had snapped of the two of you goofing around. Zenyatta looked awed when Genji had given it to him, gently dragging his metal finger across your smiling face.

You closed it and unsnapped the clasp, about to put it around your neck when Zenyatta gently pulled it out of your hand.  He quickly clasped it behind your neck, you holding up your shoulder length hair that you had let grow since the explosion. As he finished you let the locks tousle down, his hand gently brushing your back.

“Be careful,” he murmured, sounding like he was about to cry.

He held your head between both of his hands and pulled you to nuzzle his head against yours. You closed your eyes at the tender feeling, your hand resting on your shoulder.

“So don’t be myself?” you said with a playful smile and he reluctantly chuckled.

“Don’t be half of yourself,” he said, “be the other half fully.”

“I’ll try,” you said, reluctantly standing up, “I should go.”

His hands nervously fretted together as you left the room, something aching in his chest. He was concerned that this would lead you astray from the progress you made on your depression. He worried that he would lose you to that darkness in your heart that had consumed you for so long.

Genji was right, he thought, I am a mother hen.

You dropped your bag onto the seat of the dropship, plopping down in the seat. Knowing that sleep would be a rare commodity from now on you closed your eyes, determined to get your forty winks.

_A girl was terrified, watching the intimidating men walk towards her. A blade was pulled out and they started threatening her in Italian._

_“Hand over your money,” they said, “We know you gotta lot.”_

_Her hands shook as she reached into her pocket, grabbing her leather wallet and was about to hand it over when your hand reached to grab the hand with the knife and twisting it behind him._

_He hissed in pain and you kicked his knee in, gun in the other hand and pointed at the other mugger. The one with the knife grew angry and tried to twist around, and tried to wail on you with his free hand. His large hand soared past you as you dodged, grabbing that hand and snapping the bone. He cried in pain, holding his wrist and you turned to the other man who was trying to run. You shot him in the knee and he fell, turning back to the girl._

_“You alright?” you asked, in a butchered Italian._

_She nodded and you gently led her out of the alley, a group of_ Omnics _standing there already. They raised a gun to shoot you but the girl rushed forward, quickly explaining what happened. Most of them swooped her into the Limo, the fourth turning to you._

_“The Vellucci family owes you a debt.”_

You were jolted awake when the ship landed, several hours later in Italy. You waved goodbye to Athena, snapping your bag onto your thigh. You stepped into the winding city, stone houses crawling up the cliff their terracotta roof red and dull in the Mediterranean sun.

You walked through the bazaar, looking for the trademark omnic wearing a suit that was inevitably looking for you. Showing up in an Overwatch dropship after less than a month ago showing up on TV, the Vellucci family must have taken notice and were trying to determine your reason for being there.

You stepped into a side street, noticing it was suddenly quiet and you felt the hair on the back of your neck prickle. You turned around to see an omnic there, staring down at you.

“There you are,” you said, walking towards him, “Figured you were looking for me.”

“No offence, but Vellucci remembers what happened to the Shimada’s,” he said, leading you to a limousine, “You cannot blame him for being cautious.”

“I’m not here to mess with his smuggling ring,” you sat on the leather seat, the omnic sitting across from you, “I just want information.

“That’s not for me to figure out,” the door slammed shut and you didn’t even bother looking out the windows, knowing that it was reinforced glass tilted dark so no one can see in.

You leant back and looked upwards, eyes flickering to your omnic companion.

“You seem a little tense,” you said, “There a family war?”

He just ignored you, fingers tapping out a rhythm.

You sighed and looked forward again, “I miss Zenyatta already.”  
The car stopped and the door opened and you crawled out, blinking from the sudden burst of sunlight. Three omnics trailed behind you and you walked inside the massive stone mansion, everything going dark as you went from the bright outside to the dimmer room.

“This way,” he said, leading you to the main room.

You entered and saw the man himself, sitting in an Italian leather armchair and leaning to the side.

“What does an Overwatch Agent have to do in this city of mine?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason they have so many omnics in the smuggling ring is its mostly a reference to a Genji story I planned out. I probably will never write as the character is too similar to this one, but there is that. I reason that there's more omnics, because they don't have to adhere to legal diversity quotas and Omnics, are hardier and less likely to use the merchandise.


	5. Chapter 5

You tilted your head at the mob boss’ question hearing frantic footsteps from the door behind him. He sighed as his daughter burst into the room, pulling you into a hug.  She started chattering excitedly in Italian, too fast for you to understand, before seeing your arm.

Her eyebrows scrunched together and she hit you on the shoulder, scolding you.

“What happened?” she cried out, holding it up and looking at the cybernetic arm, “Angelo, you leave this city and lose your arm. Someone really needs to take care of you.”

“I have somebody now,” you murmured, not getting into any more detail about who but she just beamed at you.

“Good!”

“Tesoro,” her father called from behind her, “She is here on business.”

“Oh,” she jumped slightly, walking away from you, “Scusi.”

He just smiled at his daughter leaving and turned his gaze back to you, “What brings you here. Am I to expect Blackwatch agents force me from my city as they did in Japan.”

“No,” you said, “I am merely here to call in that debt, then I will be out of your city.”

He relaxed with that, his grip releasing off of the arms of the chair. He leant forward with ease and just stared at you.

“What is your request,” he said, “For saving my daughter many years ago I will do my best to grant it.”

“There was an omnic who was seen trading information with one of your smugglers,” you said and he nodded, “He was missing an arm, I need to know everything that he was told.”

“I will find this for you,” he said, “My daughter will no doubt have questions for you. Eat and sleep, I will have it ready for you by the end of the day.”

You left the room as he turned his attention away from you, sensing that you were dismissed. As you left his daughter clasped onto your arm, leading you into the ornate dining room. A maid was scurrying around, grabbing plates of food from the kitchen.

The girl was charming in her own way, you thought as she had you sit down, her naivety was a bit annoying at times but she couldn’t really be blamed for her father sheltering her.

“So who is this person keeping an eye on you,” she smiled at you and you were taken aback as a plate of spaghetti alle vongole was placed in front of you, “They obviously mean a lot to you.”

“I suppose,” you said, twirling your fork and grabbing a forkful of spaghetti, “Not a lot of people would approve however.”

“An omnic?” you nodded and she rubbed her chin, “People have lots of reason to disapprove of everything, don’t let others affect your judgement. Not that you have a habit of that."

You laughed at that teasing remark and she smiled up at you, “I suppose that’s also true.”

The omnic who escorted you to the house appeared, tilting his head slightly in acknowledgement. He gestured and you put the fork down, clanging slightly against the empty plate. You quickly got up, the girl just smiled at him and quickly walked away. You followed the large bodyguard and he handed you an envelope.

“Here,” he said and you quickly opened it, “He was smuggled out of the country, we don’t know who did it but he talked to a smuggler before.”

“Not the one who did it?” you asked and the omnic shook his head.

“Time doesn’t match up,” he said, “Too early and he’s still here.”

“Where can I find him?”

* * *

 

You practically kicked down the dingy hotel room, grabbing the scrawny smuggler by the cuff of his shirt and slamming him against the wall. He moved his hand to his waist to grab his gun, making you roll your eyes. Your hand pointed your shotgun in his face, making him freeze as you stared him down.

“I ain’t got nothing to tell you,” he said and you just smacked him with the butt of your gun.

“You talked to an omnic a few days ago,” you snarled, watching blood trail from his nose, “What did you tell him?”

“Why you wanna know?”

“Are you really in the position to ask that?” you said and he tilted his head, deep in thought.

“He wanted to know who could smuggle him to France,” he confessed and you let him go, his body sliding down the wall, “There’s only one guy who will take the full trip around the boot.”

“Who?” you asked and he grabbed his neck, checking to see if he bruised from your grip.

“An omnic,” he said, “Down by the docks, one of his lights is smashed.”

“Smart kid,” you said while you poked his nose and walked away, the smuggler muttering under his breath.

* * *

 

After a short exchange, you handing cash to the omnic described to go to Paris, you crawled into a ratty ship. You curled up on a dingy bed, your nose scrunching at the horrible smell radiating out of the gross sheets. You pulled out your communicator, the light brightening the room as you called Zenyatta.

After a few moments of waiting the screen opened fully, showing Zenyatta’s face. His face brightened as he saw you and you smiled back in return. Your hand reached up to stroke the amulet, his head tilting.

“ _How has it been going,_ ” his voice distorted by the shoddy connection but you could sense his ache for you in his voice.

“Good,” you said, hands curling around your knees, “I’m starting on the trail. Apparently, he went to Paris.”

“ _Odd place to go to Paris from_ ,” he tilted his head, voicing the one thought bothering you.

“Perhaps he had to do something near here,” you said and Zenyatta was deep in thought.

“ _There is an omnic commune near there_ ,” he said, “ _something similar to Numbani, only in attitude and not in law. I've come across it while I roamed._ ”

You shrugged and simply responded, “Does it matter? I have to find him, not his vacation list.”

“ _If he goes back there?_ ”

“Then I’ll track it down,” you said, “but he’s in Paris now and that’s where I’m going.”

He was silent for a moment, his image flickering, as he realised why so many were scared of you. Your sight focused on a single thing, disregarding anything in the path until you could find the one you were looking for. His hand instinctively reached forward, going to stroke away the hard look on your face, but stopped as he realised what he was doing.

“ _I hope this is concluded soon_ ,” he said and you just looked a little sad, nodding.

The image flicked and you hung up – wishing goodnight to the omnic and Zenyatta reminding you to take your pills – Zenyatta floating there as his mind roamed over what he saw.

You looked so tired, he thought sadly, as if the one day from here had aged you for years. He did the equivalent of sighing, his body relaxing. He would just need to trust you, that you would return to him still the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little foreshadowing, a little progress. 
> 
>  
> 
> What can you do, you know?


	6. Chapter 6

Paris – despite the sun filled streets and cheerful atmosphere – always had seemed foreboding to you. You quickly tucked the wrapper of the sandwich you just ate into your pocket, going to throw it out later, and you followed the woman. You could tell that she knew you were there, in the way she squared her shoulders.

You just kept following her, waiting for her to lead you to an empty alleyway. Your grip tightened on your gun as you walked into the alley, dodging her attack and grabbing her hand to slam her against the wall.

“There’s no need for that,” you said and she just scowled, you releasing her.

She dusted off her peacoat and you made a show of putting your gun away, letting her know that you were here for business.

“What do you need?” her French accent grumbled as she pulls out a cigarette, “Guns, ammo or drugs?”

“None,” you said, “I just need information.”

She tilted her head as the end of the cigarette lit up, she quickly puffing at it like it was her one salvation. You waved the smoke out of the air in front of you, holding back the urge to cough.

You never could handle cigarette smoke.

“About?”

“There was an omnic here a few weeks ago,” you said, “Missing a forearm, I need to find him.”

“I just sold him guns, Cherie,” she purred, “His business after that or how he got there wasn’t my business.”

You held back the urge to curse and she just smirked, “You want to go to Achan, it’s down by the docks.”

“Achan?” you asked and she just smiled.

“It’s a bar, owner pays good money to protect customers,” she said and you nodded, “Most smugglers and criminals work through there.”

“If your omnic went anywhere after me it would be there,” she said and you let her go, nodding and beginning to make your way to the apartment to wait for night.

* * *

 

“It’s like I’m missing something,” you said, Zenyatta just humming in response, “He’s always one step ahead.”

“ _Clear your mind,_ ” Zenyatta said, “ _Remove all distractions from the mind and focus on the facts._ ”

“He has a lot of money to spend around,” you said, “It hasn’t been the first time he’s stopped here to purchase things, often going to several people.”

“ _There are only so many bullets you can use,_ ” Zenyatta pointed out and you nodded, “ _especially for a single person._ ”

“He’s buying information,” you said, knowing he spoke to an information broker, “about what I’m not sure.”

“ _Broker can’t be convinced?_ ”

“No,” you said, “No amount of money will change her mind, she’s insistent about keeping confidentiality. It took enough for her to admit she had sold something in the first place.”

“ _You learnt something,_ ” he said and you nodded, having a path to start from, “ _What are the implications of it._ ”

“He’s planning something,” you said, “I have to assume it’s still about the Chancler, I would prefer to find him before he makes his move.”

“ _That makes sense, reduces the consequences of failure._ ”

“I got a lead,” you said, head resting in your hand with your eye closed, “I just wanted to talk to you before leaving and then ended up complaining.”

“ _I understand how it can be frustrating_ ,” he said, wanting more than ever that you were still here so he could hold your hand, “ _I miss you and wish that this is resolved soon._ ”

Your hand reached up to stroke at the holographic image, soft smile on your face, “I want that as well.”

* * *

 

You immediately hated the bar, the smell of smoke and debauchery filling the air. Mostly everyone was an omnic, finding that the criminal world was fairer to omnics than a legitimate business. There were a few humans there and here, usually intermediaries that negotiated in more omnic-unfriendly countries.

You felt the urge to stroke your metal arm, everyone staring at your face and your arm. You were immediately recognised; face having been plastered on newspapers for weeks.  One omnic in particularly looked a bit more distressed by your appearance, you figured he was the one the target talked to.

You quickly sidled over to him, the omnic barkeeper looking at you suspiciously before deciding it wasn’t any of her business. The omnic smuggler refused to look you in the face, you just sighed.

“I’m not here to shut you or anyone down,” you finally said and you could feel the room visibly relax, “I just want to know where one omnic went and I’ll leave.”

“No can do,” the barkeeper piped up, cleaning the same glass over and over again, “good money is spent to protect customers and any deal done here, we don’t give away information.”

“Unless it wasn’t done in the bar,” the smuggled said, smugness radiating off of him, “I happened to be outside when I was approached.”

You could have laughed in relief, knowing he realised there was more to be gained by helping you. The barkeeper just shrugged and went back to her glass, pretending to look down but keeping an eye on both of you.

“He’s a frequent customer,” he said, “often comes to Paris to buy smuggled guns before returning to Italy.”

You could have cursed, figuring out where he kept going and was now, “He went to Apulia didn’t he, to Bari?”

He nodded and your stomach dropped into your feet, realising that Zenyatta was right to question why he left from the wrong side of the boot. You slapped a bill on the table for the smuggler before leaving, everything returning to normal as soon as you left. You barely stopped to turn in your key before going to get a ticket back to Italy, figuring now was the perfect time to see that Omnic settlement. All the while cursing your own blindness, you shouldn’t have overlooked it.

You kept scolding yourself the entire way to Italy, body aching as you made into the omnic settlement. Peace radiated from the building and a few omnics in the settlement turned around to wave at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of running in circles but I wanted to build up a few things before getting near the end. Which we nearly are at.   
> There are one or two chapters left with an epilogue and it's making me a little sad.   
> Ah well, I can finally start on that Genji fic once this is done.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's five in the morning and I've been up for hours, so I'm going to sleep. Hopefully you enjoy this.

You felt a little odd in the village, wondering what about the peaceful settlement set you off. It seemed like it was a lie, having spent the last few years in a state of constant threat. You looked around at the buildings, surprised when a human woman stopped you with a hand on your sleeve.

“I know you,” she said, eyes flickering down to your arm, “you saved my boyfriend and me from a group of thugs.”

“I remember,” you said, “I’m glad you’re doing alright.”

She smiled brightly at you and took your hand, dragging you with her. She waved at several omnics who passed by, they greeting her just as enthusiastically. She kept pulling you along until you both reached her boyfriend, who looked up in surprise.

He was happy to see you again, thanking you again for saving the pair of them. Apparently, they had tried to make it to Numbani but stopped here on the way, immediately falling in love with the village. They cancelled their plans, moving into the first house they could find.

“We’re so happy now,” she said, smiling and holding his hand tenderly, “We can be together without having to hide it or worry.”

You gave a thoughtful hum, genuinely happy that things worked out for the pair of them.

“It’s alright if you don’t know,” you said, looking off at the Omnic tinkering with their arm, “But have you seen an omnic missing his arm.”

The two of them shared a look before getting a little sad, eyes growing tired as they nodded.

“We know who you’re looking for,” she leant into his chest, his arm wrapping around her, “we were all hoping that he would find a better way in his travels.”

Sadness radiated off of the omnic, a pain that seemed to be a little too close to home, “Please do your best to show mercy, he has been through a lot.”

You found yourself in front of the house they pointed you to, fishing the key out from under the pad and you unlocked the door. The smell of dust and oil met you, eyes squinting to see in the dark room. You opened your bag, fishing through your ammo to pull out your flashlight.

You took a step towards the photos on the wall, eyes roving over them. Your jaw dropped as you noticed several Talon agents, in the recognisable black outfit, getting a briefcase from the Chancler. You kept following the lines, seeing several more photos along the same line. There was a pile of papers on the dresser, you picked it up and started to read the handwritten notes.

Some of which are the intermediaries that the Chancler passed through to transfer money to Talon, moving them around to avoid easy detection. Most of it was a little confusing, seemingly allude to other notes that weren’t here, it was startling to see a compiled list of collusion in the higher government and Talon.

Your head ached as you put down the paper, head glancing over to the right and seeing a photo of a man standing next to the omnic. They both looked so happy, lazy arm looped around the omnics shoulder to extend two fingers above his metallic head. Next to it was a printed out article, mourning the loss of one of their reporters in a ‘freak accident’. In the obituary there was a picture of the same human, smiling sweetly at the camera.

You pulled the tack out of the wall, peeling the photo from where it stuck to the paint. You carefully tucked it into your bag, taking a step back. You sneezed as the dust got to you, eyes watering for a moment as you turned away, noticing a package on the ground. You walked over a picked it up, judging by the disturbed dust it had a arrived a day or so ago.

You opened it, seeing a data pad, you open it to see that there was a recording on it. You started it and a fuzzy noise filled the air, having been pulled from different systems to get at least this much.

“ _You’re all monsters_ ,” you heard the German accent of Chancler Kogler come through, “ _Assassinating Mondatta Tekhartha, murdering reporters. I regret having anything to do with you._ ”

“ _You were the one who decided that money was the bottom line,_ ” a smooth woman’s voice came through, “ _In chaos comes profit, why do you think so many companies became to be so big after the crisis_.”

“ _At what point do we stop being human,_ ” grief shattered his voice, “ _I will have no more with Talon._ ”

“ _Are you sure?_ ” she purred, “ _There are a few that wish to kill you, if you break off we cannot protect you from the consequences._ ”

“ _Enough,_ ” his loud voice cut the recording, distorting it slightly, “ _I will not be threatened._ ”

There were a few more seconds of fuzz before it cut out, the room deadly silent at the lack of the white noise. You put it back in the box, resting it on the ground as you stared forward blankly.

Your head seemed heavy with what you learnt, while the Chancler had been with a despicable terrorist group for profit he had seemed genuinely repentant for his sins. You just sighed, wishing Zenyatta was here to give you his thoughts.

Your head tilted upwards, looking at all the information that the omnic had gathered in his grief. You wondered what you would do if Zenyatta was murdered, only for just asking too many questions. You weren’t sure you could handle it but you had a mission to do.

You gave one last look at the newspaper with the announcement of a parade in Berlin for the Chancler, making sure to lock the door again when you left.

* * *

 

The streets were bustling, clear excitement rumbling through it. Police strolled on every corner, making sure no riots occurred with the large amount of Omnics in the area. You prowled on the street tops, keeping an eye out for any sniper perches while dodging the special forces on the room. Though you could probably explain the situation, especially with how famous you were now, it would just be simpler and faster to ignore them.

Something prickled in your stomach and you stopped, dodging behind a roof installation to avoid a yawning bodyguard. You quickly skulked away, trusting your intuition as you went for the building that caught your eye, something glinting in the window.

Hoping that he hadn’t spotted you and left you made your way over there, slipping into a window on the floor that you saw it. Keeping track of the rooms you made your way to the hotel room where you knew he was, quietly picking the lock.

You burst into the room, hand whipping out your gun as the omnic turned around to look at you. He stood up from the set up a sniper rifle, holding up a pistol. The two of you started each other as he just looked so tired, fatigue radiating off of his body.

“I knew you’d find me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired, oh geez.


	8. Chapter 8

You kept your gun up and he just glared at you, slowly moving to the side and making sure not to startle him into shooting. His own pistol kept a bead on you, your eyebrows furrowing. Something radiated off him that makes your hackles raise, trying to figure out what it was.

“Go on,” he goaded, “Kill me.”

“Pull the trigger.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you began to squeeze the trigger, gun pointed straight at his head. Your prosthetic arm began to shake as you realised what it was that was throwing you off.

If he could, he would be smiling.

Your mind flashed back to the day that started it all with Zenyatta, you grappling the bomb towards yourself. Before the explosion that made you lose your arm and make you suffer from nightmares, you were smiling.

You thought you finally had what you were secretly seeking.

The death that this omnic was also seeking.

“No,” you said, lowering the gun.

He was taken back, your eyebrows scrunching together in grief as his own hand wavered.

“I won’t be your executioner.”

He got angry, about to raise the gun again but you cut him off.

“I’m tired of being dead,” you said and he froze, “I’ve been pretending this whole time. Shambling through life as a walking corpse.

“I want to be alive now.”

He was frozen still as you slid your hand over the barrel, easing it from his hand. It eased from his grip and you quickly pulled the ammo out, tucking it into your bag. His hand rested on his chest, his own grief finally breaking free.

He drops to his knees, his hand resting on the side of his head. His lights flickered with sadness and you took another step forward, dropping to your knees next to him.

“I’d suggest a Shambali monk,” you softly sad as he kept crying, heartache clear from his form.

“I don’t have a reason to live,” he quietly confessed, “Not since he was murdered. Dominic was so happy and good and everything I wasn’t.”

You felt tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, sensing that he would still love his human lover years after his death. You quickly opened the bag, pulling out the photo you grabbed from his house.

“Would he want this?” you quietly asked as he took it, finger trailing across the shining face of his dead love, “Could you look him in the eyes and let him know what you’ve done.”

“No,” he said, pulling it close to his chest, “how could I?”

His body rocked back and forth as you stood up, realising that there was nothing else you could do. After you dismantled the sniper rifle, you made your way into the street. The whole street was filled with joy and you tiredly smiled at an excited woman, patting your arm with joy.

You quickly signalled to Overwatch, letting them know your mission was done.

* * *

 

“He got away,” you said, hands tucked behind your back as Winston sighed, shuffling papers.

“We’ll keep an eye out for him,” he said as he fixed his glasses, “Good job stopping the assassination attempt, you did a good job.”

“Thank you, Winston,” you smiled at him and he returned it, you quickly leaving as he dismissed you.

You walked through the base in a trance, entering your room. Your gaze lingered at the mirror resting against the wall, you quickly lifting it up and carrying it to the bathroom. With a heave, you rested it back on the wall properly and took a gaze of yourself for the first time since you were in the med bay.

It was as if you were looking at a different person, your body carrying more weight and your face filled out. Your hand reached up to brush at your growing hair, gently positioning it in a rare show of vanity.

You just kept staring forward, remembering the exact shade of your eyes. The door opened and you knew it was Zenyatta, no footsteps ringing in the small space. He eased into the bathroom, watching you make faces in the mirror.

You turned your head, smiling at Zenyatta and he reached his hand forward. You took it and he squeezed it, tilting his head in happiness.

“I’m glad you’re back,” was all he said but you could sense everything he felt underneath that.

“I am as well,” you said, your smile growing softer, “I missed you a lot.”

“I’m sorry you could not get him,” your chest ached as he repeated the lie you told Overwatch, you taking a deep breath.

“I let him go,” you confessed, “he was there but I just left him.

“Why?” his tone was calm, squeezing your hand.

“I saw myself,” you said, “and I didn’t want to be that anymore.”

“I’m proud of you,” was all he said and you beamed out a smile, a mix of aching sadness and happiness radiating from you.

You leant forward and pressed a kiss against his forehead, eyes closing. His body hummed with joy and you pulled back with a smile.

“Think Winston would let me go? I think I’m done being a vigilante.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an epilogue but this is the end technically. I hope you enjoyed it and will enjoy the epilogue.


	9. Epilogue

The overbearing sun trickled down onto the balcony where you worked, dirt-stained into both arms. It had worked itself onto the ridges on your metal arm, the grappling system taken out, which was a half hours work to clean.

You gently patted down the soil of the shrub, some of the white flowers trickling down from your touch. Gardenias were funny like that, sensitive to being prodded even if the touch was helpful.

Your fingers trailed over the white petals of the lily, checking for diseases or any sign of insects. Satisfied you stood up, patting your hands free of the looser dirt on you.

You entered the open apartment, going to the kitchen sink to wash your hands. Pill bottles sat on the windowsill, their contents empty and their labels washed white from the harsh light over the last few months.

As you picked out a particularly stubborn piece of grit, you looked at the time. Excitement flushed through you as you noticed the time, turning off the faucet and drying your hands right as someone knocked on the door.

You quickly opened the door and threw yourself into Zenyatta’s arms, excitedly rubbing your face against his. You gave a quick wave to your omnic neighbour who gave a happy wave back at the way Zenyatta rubbed your back. You became a little of a local celebrity in the building, your face recognized as you moved in with your Shambali boyfriend helping.

Love still filled your body and you took a step back to smile at him, reaffirming your adoration for him. He gave a happy look back, clearly just as enamoured with you as the day he left. Your hand slid into his and he followed you into your apartment, breathing in your presence as much as he can from the long separation.

You had him sit as you went into the kitchen, grabbing the new bottle of luxury oil one of your coworkers got you. With your own drink, you went back with two glasses, handing one to Zenyatta.

“So what’s been going on,” you asked, “It’s been hard to talk about time zones and my work. Usually one of us is up at the wrong time to talk.”

“I went back to the Shambali,” he pulled slightly on your couch arm, you leaning forward as you knew his hesitation at being accepted back.

“How did it go?” your voice was soft, ready to reassure him.

“It was odd,” he looked up, “Being in the monastery without Mondatta.”

“The others accepted me back, at least for a bit,” he said before giving you a meaningful look, seemingly remembering something important.

“When I was there, one of my sisters talked about a new pilgrim that came,” you leant forward, concerned at the hesitant way he was telling you this.

“An omnic,” he started before finishing after a long pause, “with only one arm.”

“Do you know if it was him?” you asked, remembering the broken man who was in front of you about half a year ago.

“I do not, I merely heard about it.”

After the thought of your advice, hope flushed through you a little.

“I hope it’s him.”

“I do as well,” Zenyatta added, “He needs healing more than anyone.”

You stood up slightly and leant forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead. You could see the concern weigh at him, fearing that you would leave your settled life again to fight a war that was killing you.

“Thank you for telling me,” you said, “Did I tell you what Ligeon got his girlfriend.”

“That’s your neighbour there,” he pointed at the wall, “The one right there?”

You nodded before telling him, it involved a lot of flowers that caught on fire from an errant candle. He listened to your tale, giving his thoughts on it. When you finished – girlfriend laughing it off – he gave a chuckle of his own. The two of you just settled into your relationship again, wanting to enjoy every moment you had together until he left again.

You tapped your fingers as he talked about Genji, thinking over your finances. Perhaps soon – if you could get the time off – you could spend some time travelling with Zenyatta. A little time on the road with him shouldn’t be detrimental and you ached to spend some serious time with him.

We’ll see, was all you thought before pushing it aside, deciding to take it one moment at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll literally cry, don't even test me. I'm finally done and it's been such a long road. Thank you all for travelling it with me and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Please have a good life.

**Author's Note:**

> eyyyyy, hope you enjoy and Happy Valentines day, enjoy this gift from me!


End file.
